Luna's Landing

Another day, another lesson learned


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5 Years: What I have Learned

On Valentines Day my husband and I will have been married for 5 years!

On that same day we will have been together for 9 years, nearly a decade….

Jason and Darcy

So here is what I have learned so far:

1. Compromises are crap. I shouldn’t have to give up on my beliefs, values, or wants in my relationship, and neither should   my partner. Instead, if we disagree I should ask him why, understand his point, and he should do the same. Together we should find a solution that works for both of us. Yes, sometimes we have to compromise, but that is never our goal.

2. Your partner should not be your best friend. This sounds terrible right? Its not. In today’s relationships we expect too much from our spouses. They have to be our intimate partner, our best friend, our caregiver, our therapist. This is too much to ask for from one person. My partner plays many roles for my family and I, and my best friend plays different roles for us, and I like it that way. Want another opinion on this? Click here!

3. Do not compare your marriage to others. I learned this from a good friend. This friend is a transgender woman, married to another wwedding2oman. They are the epiphany of different, and yet they are the most loving, most caring and beautiful couple I have ever met. My marriage is my own. We are different, we go through different stages at different times, and we happy that way. We do not own a home, we do not have a ton of married friends, we do not go on date nights once a week. We do what we think is right at the right times, and that is ok!!

4. Stop mind reading. Or at least stop pretending that you can. You do not know anyone in the world well enough to read their mind. When you are in an argument, or any tense situation, do not assume that you know what they are thinking. Instead, do this simple thing called asking. Communication is key, we all know it, but we don’t do it. Ask what they think, how they feel, and why they feel this way. Listen. Put yourself in their position, and then reconsider attacking back. This doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings, it is just acknowledging that they do.

5. Get naked when you are arguing. Seriously. Try it. Life Changing. Here are some more tips on arguing effectively.

6. The loss of passion does not equal the loss of compassion. Passion dies out. Many people do not want to believe this. But it does, and that is ok! You may go a while with no passion, and then you have a spike in your marriage filled with passion, then again maybe you don’t. One thing to remember is that you still have compassion for each other. You still care for them, you still love them, but you are freed from they anxiety that comes with the thought of separation from your partner. Its a beautiful thing really!

While 5 years has nothing on 25 or 30 years, I have still learned a lot! Here is to another 5 years of craziness!

wedding

OH YEA!

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The Interview

Credit: Terlayn Pilgram

Credit: Terlayn Pilgram

You know that dream job or internship that you always wanted?

Then when it came time to apply you knew you were shooting for the moon.

Well I applied… because you know what they say…

“Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars”

The stars and beautiful and all but I really wanted to land on the moon…

About a month ago I applied for the internship of a lifetime. It is everything I want in an internship, and a future job! It matches my skills, understanding, and most importantly, my passion. Now, I knew when I applied that I would be one of thousands to apply, but hey, if you never try, you never succeed.

Today I received the email that I was selected to be interviewed.

I called my husband and shouted “I landed the interview! I landed the interview!” I texted my mom, I posted on Facebook asking for positive vibes and thoughts. Oh man I was excited!

Now it is time to calm down and think about the interview.

The interview…

Thats scary…

How do you prepare for interviews? What are your best interviewing tips? What are your interview no-no’s?

I hope my blog after the interview is a good one…


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Feminism is a Dirty Word

I sat starring at my computer for about 30 minutes trying to figure out how to write this blog…

So to start, here is what inspired me to write this post

Take THAT feminists

While scrolling through my Facebook, a friend posted this picture with the comment “Take THAT feminists”

I was ANGRY!!

In my anger I went to google looking for the right image to post in my feed to show that feminism is more than “blaming men for everything.”

Then I closed Facebook and decided not to.

So why do people, not just men, hate the word feminist? The person who posted this does not hate me (a feminist). Actually, he is someone I am quite fond of. He is funny, creative, and intelligent. He does not hate feminists.

He does not know what feminist means.

So what does being a feminist mean??

Well to some, they think it means this…

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To others it means that we blame men for every hard time we have.

To me… it means equality, opportunity, love for one another. It means not blaming victims. It means loving men. Loving women. Loving our children. Loving the ability to make whatever choices make us happy.

In my experience, those who believe that Feminism is a dirty word are also people who do not know why we need feminism.

Why do we need it?

We need it because women make 76.5 cents to a mans dollar (National Committee on Pay Equality). We need it because African American women make 64 cents to a mans dollar, and hispanic women make 55 cents to a mans dollar (National Women’s Law Center). We need it because women are told that “they asked for it [rape]” when they wore too short of skirts or drank too much alcohol. We need it because when women fight to be equal, they are told that they are ruining families, killing children, practicing witchcraft, and destroying nations.

Feminists do not just fight for women’s equality.

We fight for equality.

For you. For your children. For every group, race, gender, sex, and individual.

So is feminist a dirty word?

To me, its the word of empowerment and change.

Why do you need feminism?


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Blonds have more fun??

Well thats what they say…

I will call this an experiment. I decided to go blond!!

I have been brunette my whole life, and so this was a leap for me!!!

However, let me tell you this horror story of how I got to this color….

I have been going to the same hair stylist for about 2 and a half years. I love her. When I take her a picture, she nails it. When I just need a trim, she cuts it the same as it was before. I never have to worry about a bad hair cut when I go to her!!

I figured I would pay the money to let her dye my hair as well, as I wanted it to be done right.

When I got to the salon and told her what I wanted, she was excited! She knows that I like to change up my style from time to time, so she saw this coming.

She started dying my hair with lightener… now, I don’t know enough about hair products to know the difference between lightener and bleach, but there is one. I was all excited, posted pictures on facebook of me sitting in the processor..

Next we washed my hair, put some toner in there, threw a towel on my head, and walked to the chair.

When she took the towel off of my hair, IT WAS ORANGE!!!!

Im talking Oompa loompa orange….

I was shocked!!! I sat and stared without talking to my stylist as she started trimming the back… I was trying to figure out what to do now…

Then she decided she was going to highlight some areas to break up the orange…

This did nothing…

By the way, at this point I had been at the salon for 3 hours…

Thankfully, my stylists next appointment called and canceled so she could continue damage control on my hair.

She bleached all of my hair… finally… why didn’t this happen in the first place??

My hair came out much better… as you see in the picture, but there are still some orange tinted streaks going on…

Here is the kicker…

I am all done and ready to go (after 5 and a half hours!!!), and I go to pay and the lady at the counter asks me for double the cost of coloring hair….

WHY? Because she had to use double the hair die…

Really?? I had to pay for my stylists mess up…

Well, because I do not want to loose my relationship with the only person I trust to cut my hair, I payed and left….

But lets find the positives here, I love my hair, and now we know that when you have nearly black hair to begin with, go with bleach… not lightener.

Here is a picture with my brown hair before, and my new blond hair.. which do you like better??

ImagePhoto on 6-19-13 at 2.14 AM


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Being an adult about big kid choices….

I have been trying to figure things out…

Do I go for my PhD? If so, what schools? Do I take a year off? If so, should I adjunct and try to find a consulting job? Can you consult with just your masters? Would I find a consulting job? Why is everything so scary and big? Does my family move away or stay here? blah blah blah….

I have been talking to all my friends and family, trying to see what their reactions and advice is…

I have been doing a lot of soul searching to find what I really want…

And then it hit me…

I want to be with my family. More than money, more than a home, more than a fancy Doctor title, I want to be with my kids and husband.

Today I have decided that worrying and panicking about what will happen next is doing nothing for me and my biggest dream, a happy, healthy home.

So tomorrow I am going to start emailing my contacts, asking them questions, lots of questions.

I know a professor who owns a consulting firm, I will bug him.

I know people who adjunct, I will bug them.

I am going to look up how to be certified to do divorce mediation.

I already know how the PhD programs work, but I do not know how job hunting works.

I am going to be logical. I am going to do my research, search for wise advice, and I am going to make my decision then.

There is nothing more I can do at this point in time.

I also need to remind myself over and over… and over, that if I choose to stop with my masters that it is not because I am giving up or because I am a failure. Most people never make it this far, especially at my age!! If I choose to stop my education, or take a break, It was simply a better choice. Also, I can ALWAYS go back!!

So tomorrow I begin my logical, calm, search to make the best decision for myself and my family….

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Blondie!!

P.S…. I bleached my hair blonde…. in case you were waiting to know my decision on that!!


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Anxiety, Excitement, Exhausted, Motivated

I have been questioning what to do next.

Lots and lots of questioning…

Right now I am in the summer semester between my first and second year of my masters program. I need to start applying to PhD programs, and begin writing my thesis.

All of a sudden I don’t know what I want to do anymore. I do know I want to finish my masters, there is no doubt about that.

I have two kids and a husband waiting for me to finish school. I feel like we are all on pause until I am done.

We want a house, a life, less stress, and lots of love!!! Do I want to wait just one more year, or do I want to wait 5 more years?

Then again, how will I ever buy a home??? I live in an area that shacks costs 150,000. The taxes are outrageous, and I have 40,000 is student loans.

PhD= more student loans, even with an assistantship, and no PhD= less pay…

WHY ARE THERE NO EASY ANSWERS???

Oh boy….

I really want to be done, I also really want to earn my PhD…..

I could take a year off and work and think about it… but then if I do go back, I will hate myself for being a year behind.

The only thing I can really do with my masters is adjunct, and if I am really super lucky, I can do some communication consulting… not many options..

I will keep updates on decisions I make, but for now, your guess is as good as mine….

As far as the motivated part in the title… I am motivated… motivated to rock the next year of school so I can do whatever it is I will be doing next 🙂

Trying to always remember the bright side


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Blonde or Brunette??

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Took this photo as I wrote this post!!

Hello!!

So today is about my hair, hence the picture!! This is me right now… like right this second!!

My hair is short, dark, and in need of a trim!!

I used to have long hair, that I loved at the time, but one day I decided I was going short, and I am in LOVE with my short hair.

Everyone told me not to get my hair cut, and now every one tells me not to grow it back out!!

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Kandee Johnson

Lately I have been seeing a lot of celebrities dying their short hair blonde! Anne Hathaway, and Kandee Johnson (celebrity in my book!).

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Anne Hathaway (photo from Huffington post)

Blond hair does a lot of things for you. First, it is edgy. Short + Blonde = super edgy.. right?? I think so! Second, it makes short hair more feminine.

Short hair is super cute, if you know what you are doing. Common myth is that short hair is quicker and easier than short hair.. this is so wrong. You have to style your hair each day.

Dark short hair looks boyish if all you do is blow dry it. Each day I look for extra jewelry, a cute scarf, or a hair piece (bandana or bow) to girly up my style.

Blonde haire girlys up your style on its own!!!

So I am debating…

I love my hair now, but I may love it more blonde…

I was scared to cut it short, but now I will never go back…

Maybe the same will happen with blonde…

And whats the worst that can happen, I can always die it back right?? Anne Hathaway died hers back brunette after just 3 weeks….

What do you think.. yes? no?