Luna's Landing

Another day, another lesson learned


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5 Years: What I have Learned

On Valentines Day my husband and I will have been married for 5 years!

On that same day we will have been together for 9 years, nearly a decade….

Jason and Darcy

So here is what I have learned so far:

1. Compromises are crap. I shouldn’t have to give up on my beliefs, values, or wants in my relationship, and neither should   my partner. Instead, if we disagree I should ask him why, understand his point, and he should do the same. Together we should find a solution that works for both of us. Yes, sometimes we have to compromise, but that is never our goal.

2. Your partner should not be your best friend. This sounds terrible right? Its not. In today’s relationships we expect too much from our spouses. They have to be our intimate partner, our best friend, our caregiver, our therapist. This is too much to ask for from one person. My partner plays many roles for my family and I, and my best friend plays different roles for us, and I like it that way. Want another opinion on this? Click here!

3. Do not compare your marriage to others. I learned this from a good friend. This friend is a transgender woman, married to another wwedding2oman. They are the epiphany of different, and yet they are the most loving, most caring and beautiful couple I have ever met. My marriage is my own. We are different, we go through different stages at different times, and we happy that way. We do not own a home, we do not have a ton of married friends, we do not go on date nights once a week. We do what we think is right at the right times, and that is ok!!

4. Stop mind reading. Or at least stop pretending that you can. You do not know anyone in the world well enough to read their mind. When you are in an argument, or any tense situation, do not assume that you know what they are thinking. Instead, do this simple thing called asking. Communication is key, we all know it, but we don’t do it. Ask what they think, how they feel, and why they feel this way. Listen. Put yourself in their position, and then reconsider attacking back. This doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings, it is just acknowledging that they do.

5. Get naked when you are arguing. Seriously. Try it. Life Changing. Here are some more tips on arguing effectively.

6. The loss of passion does not equal the loss of compassion. Passion dies out. Many people do not want to believe this. But it does, and that is ok! You may go a while with no passion, and then you have a spike in your marriage filled with passion, then again maybe you don’t. One thing to remember is that you still have compassion for each other. You still care for them, you still love them, but you are freed from they anxiety that comes with the thought of separation from your partner. Its a beautiful thing really!

While 5 years has nothing on 25 or 30 years, I have still learned a lot! Here is to another 5 years of craziness!

wedding

OH YEA!

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Being an adult about big kid choices….

I have been trying to figure things out…

Do I go for my PhD? If so, what schools? Do I take a year off? If so, should I adjunct and try to find a consulting job? Can you consult with just your masters? Would I find a consulting job? Why is everything so scary and big? Does my family move away or stay here? blah blah blah….

I have been talking to all my friends and family, trying to see what their reactions and advice is…

I have been doing a lot of soul searching to find what I really want…

And then it hit me…

I want to be with my family. More than money, more than a home, more than a fancy Doctor title, I want to be with my kids and husband.

Today I have decided that worrying and panicking about what will happen next is doing nothing for me and my biggest dream, a happy, healthy home.

So tomorrow I am going to start emailing my contacts, asking them questions, lots of questions.

I know a professor who owns a consulting firm, I will bug him.

I know people who adjunct, I will bug them.

I am going to look up how to be certified to do divorce mediation.

I already know how the PhD programs work, but I do not know how job hunting works.

I am going to be logical. I am going to do my research, search for wise advice, and I am going to make my decision then.

There is nothing more I can do at this point in time.

I also need to remind myself over and over… and over, that if I choose to stop with my masters that it is not because I am giving up or because I am a failure. Most people never make it this far, especially at my age!! If I choose to stop my education, or take a break, It was simply a better choice. Also, I can ALWAYS go back!!

So tomorrow I begin my logical, calm, search to make the best decision for myself and my family….

Image

Blondie!!

P.S…. I bleached my hair blonde…. in case you were waiting to know my decision on that!!


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Anxiety, Excitement, Exhausted, Motivated

I have been questioning what to do next.

Lots and lots of questioning…

Right now I am in the summer semester between my first and second year of my masters program. I need to start applying to PhD programs, and begin writing my thesis.

All of a sudden I don’t know what I want to do anymore. I do know I want to finish my masters, there is no doubt about that.

I have two kids and a husband waiting for me to finish school. I feel like we are all on pause until I am done.

We want a house, a life, less stress, and lots of love!!! Do I want to wait just one more year, or do I want to wait 5 more years?

Then again, how will I ever buy a home??? I live in an area that shacks costs 150,000. The taxes are outrageous, and I have 40,000 is student loans.

PhD= more student loans, even with an assistantship, and no PhD= less pay…

WHY ARE THERE NO EASY ANSWERS???

Oh boy….

I really want to be done, I also really want to earn my PhD…..

I could take a year off and work and think about it… but then if I do go back, I will hate myself for being a year behind.

The only thing I can really do with my masters is adjunct, and if I am really super lucky, I can do some communication consulting… not many options..

I will keep updates on decisions I make, but for now, your guess is as good as mine….

As far as the motivated part in the title… I am motivated… motivated to rock the next year of school so I can do whatever it is I will be doing next 🙂

Trying to always remember the bright side


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Should do list…. I need to prioritize…

Jafar writing a to do list!!

Jafar writing a to do list!!

Right now, as my kids wrestle my husband to the ground, I should be writing a post for class.. I will do that as soon as I am done blogging 🙂

I have mentioned multiple times that I am crazy busy and do a lot. So today I thought I would share my to do list… I like to call them my should do lists…

To do…

Write my class post

Order a book off amazon for my qualitative methods class

Do some picking up around the house

Start an assignment that is due the first day of my qual. class

Begin my thesis literature review (I REALLY need to do this one)

Start looking back over lecture notes and syllabi for next semester

Go grocery shopping

Go to forever 21

Go to Macy’s

Finalize a literature review for my Romantic Relationships class

Find my APA style book

wash my car….

Get my hair cut

Get my eyebrows waxed

Read 6 chapters for my qual class

Do some MORE laundry… it never ends!!!

Go to the bank

Get Chandler new tennis shoes

Get a pedicure (I may take Lyla for her first time!!)

Make a vet appointment for Neville (our fur baby)

And more that I am sure I am missing….

During all these to do things I also play and take my kids fun places (I think we will be going to the science center tomorrow!), cook meals, and other mommy duties!!

My friend just called me… got to go…

whats on your to do list???

what do you always put off??