Luna's Landing

Another day, another lesson learned


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5 Years: What I have Learned

On Valentines Day my husband and I will have been married for 5 years!

On that same day we will have been together for 9 years, nearly a decade….

Jason and Darcy

So here is what I have learned so far:

1. Compromises are crap. I shouldn’t have to give up on my beliefs, values, or wants in my relationship, and neither should   my partner. Instead, if we disagree I should ask him why, understand his point, and he should do the same. Together we should find a solution that works for both of us. Yes, sometimes we have to compromise, but that is never our goal.

2. Your partner should not be your best friend. This sounds terrible right? Its not. In today’s relationships we expect too much from our spouses. They have to be our intimate partner, our best friend, our caregiver, our therapist. This is too much to ask for from one person. My partner plays many roles for my family and I, and my best friend plays different roles for us, and I like it that way. Want another opinion on this? Click here!

3. Do not compare your marriage to others. I learned this from a good friend. This friend is a transgender woman, married to another wwedding2oman. They are the epiphany of different, and yet they are the most loving, most caring and beautiful couple I have ever met. My marriage is my own. We are different, we go through different stages at different times, and we happy that way. We do not own a home, we do not have a ton of married friends, we do not go on date nights once a week. We do what we think is right at the right times, and that is ok!!

4. Stop mind reading. Or at least stop pretending that you can. You do not know anyone in the world well enough to read their mind. When you are in an argument, or any tense situation, do not assume that you know what they are thinking. Instead, do this simple thing called asking. Communication is key, we all know it, but we don’t do it. Ask what they think, how they feel, and why they feel this way. Listen. Put yourself in their position, and then reconsider attacking back. This doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings, it is just acknowledging that they do.

5. Get naked when you are arguing. Seriously. Try it. Life Changing. Here are some more tips on arguing effectively.

6. The loss of passion does not equal the loss of compassion. Passion dies out. Many people do not want to believe this. But it does, and that is ok! You may go a while with no passion, and then you have a spike in your marriage filled with passion, then again maybe you don’t. One thing to remember is that you still have compassion for each other. You still care for them, you still love them, but you are freed from they anxiety that comes with the thought of separation from your partner. Its a beautiful thing really!

While 5 years has nothing on 25 or 30 years, I have still learned a lot! Here is to another 5 years of craziness!

wedding

OH YEA!

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Saving Money While in Grad School?????

Is it possible??

Here is what I have found out…

To start off, I would like to share a little back story..

I met my husband when I was 14. We were high school sweethearts! I took college classes in high school, and graduated high school early to keep up with him (cus we were so in love… bawww). I was in college for 4 years. In those four years my husband and I got married, and had two children. I missed one week worth of class for each child (while still breastfeeding!), and have never taken a summer off. I am now in my second year of my master’s program, and again took summer classes. I am a teaching assistant for my university, in which I get to teach the classes entirely on my own. My tuition is waved for my masters, but I had to take out student loans all four years of my bachelors.

I have lots of student debt… but i am not scared!!!

So here we are now.

My husband and I have now been together for nearly 9 years, and we are ready to buy a home, and stop living pay check to pay check.

If we want to start living this way once I graduate, we have to start saving now… like this very second.

Let me let you in on a little secret… I do research for a living.. I am pretty good at it… so I have done my homework here. I wanted to know:

How can I save each month?

Can I get a home loan with student debt?

What are banks looking at when they assess you for a home loan?

How much of a home loan can I afford?

And of course…. what kind of jobs can I get with a master’s degree in human communication (research focus on the LGBTQ community).

There are a bazillion tips out on the interweb on how to save money, but about for every 1,000 tips, I can use 1. Well, one is better than zero right?

So here are my tips after much research:

1. Write down your finances. Every penny. Start off with delegating your bills out to each pay check. For example: my charter and electric bill come out of my first check each month. My rent comes out of my last check each month. Next, total up how much you make and subtract how much you spend on bills, gas, and groceries. How much do you have left?? Can you put 10, 20, 30, 50% of your leftovers into savings? If so, do it!!

2. Bite the buck and buy groceries, lots of them. Get the kind of groceries that you make meals from scratch. You would be amazed at how much this will save you. Also, always make a little extra to take to work with you for lunch the next day. Eating a brown bag lunch every day will save you hundreds!! Also, buy store brand… you wont taste the difference. Remember, these meals do not have to be betty Crocker, just a filling meal. Extra tip: Aldi’s has the cheapest veggies, and Walmart has the cheapest chicken!

3. Get netflix… so this is $10 a month, how will that save me money?? Well a movie ticket is also $10.00 and it is just one part  of entertainment for one night!! Instead of going out with friends, invite them over, have everyone bring a snack to share, you can make some from your groceries, and watch a movie on netflix. Not enough? Start watching series on netflix that you can get addicted to. I like Walking dead, Lost, Downton Abbey, and a few more. Wanting to watch the next episode may keep you in and save you on gas, food, a movie ticket and more. Maybe you can get some class work done between as well!!

4. Stop using credit cards. If you can not afford it when you swipe it, you can not afford it. If you can not afford it, you will pay payments. If you pay payments, you are paying interest. If you are paying interest, you are spending more and more and more. Stop it.. now. Its a slippery slope…

5. Do not clip coupons. These are scams… did you know that??? “What a great deal!! $1.00 off something I wont need for three months, then I will forget I have it!” or “$2.00 off 2 of the same thing, I will have to get that, even though I have never used this brand before and would not have bought it if I never had a coupon.” No… Just no. You are spending more than you would have if you never had the coupon. If it is for free… fine, use it. If it is for something you buy regularly and you need, use it. Otherwise, THROW IT AWAY!!

6. Call your tv service and electric company. Are you paying the lowest rate you could be paying? Probably not. Charter reduces my bill every time I call.. I call about once every 6 months. Most electric companies can give you a set rate on your bill each month; is it lower than what you are paying now? If so, take advantage of that!!!

These are my 6 golden tips for now. I am hoping to find more!! I am saving a lot each month just by following these tips.

Do you have any more tips? Comment them below!

Do you want me to write tips on the other areas I have been researching? Leave me a comment, I will get to it ASAP!!!

Thanks for reading!


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Being an adult about big kid choices….

I have been trying to figure things out…

Do I go for my PhD? If so, what schools? Do I take a year off? If so, should I adjunct and try to find a consulting job? Can you consult with just your masters? Would I find a consulting job? Why is everything so scary and big? Does my family move away or stay here? blah blah blah….

I have been talking to all my friends and family, trying to see what their reactions and advice is…

I have been doing a lot of soul searching to find what I really want…

And then it hit me…

I want to be with my family. More than money, more than a home, more than a fancy Doctor title, I want to be with my kids and husband.

Today I have decided that worrying and panicking about what will happen next is doing nothing for me and my biggest dream, a happy, healthy home.

So tomorrow I am going to start emailing my contacts, asking them questions, lots of questions.

I know a professor who owns a consulting firm, I will bug him.

I know people who adjunct, I will bug them.

I am going to look up how to be certified to do divorce mediation.

I already know how the PhD programs work, but I do not know how job hunting works.

I am going to be logical. I am going to do my research, search for wise advice, and I am going to make my decision then.

There is nothing more I can do at this point in time.

I also need to remind myself over and over… and over, that if I choose to stop with my masters that it is not because I am giving up or because I am a failure. Most people never make it this far, especially at my age!! If I choose to stop my education, or take a break, It was simply a better choice. Also, I can ALWAYS go back!!

So tomorrow I begin my logical, calm, search to make the best decision for myself and my family….

Image

Blondie!!

P.S…. I bleached my hair blonde…. in case you were waiting to know my decision on that!!


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Should do list…. I need to prioritize…

Jafar writing a to do list!!

Jafar writing a to do list!!

Right now, as my kids wrestle my husband to the ground, I should be writing a post for class.. I will do that as soon as I am done blogging 🙂

I have mentioned multiple times that I am crazy busy and do a lot. So today I thought I would share my to do list… I like to call them my should do lists…

To do…

Write my class post

Order a book off amazon for my qualitative methods class

Do some picking up around the house

Start an assignment that is due the first day of my qual. class

Begin my thesis literature review (I REALLY need to do this one)

Start looking back over lecture notes and syllabi for next semester

Go grocery shopping

Go to forever 21

Go to Macy’s

Finalize a literature review for my Romantic Relationships class

Find my APA style book

wash my car….

Get my hair cut

Get my eyebrows waxed

Read 6 chapters for my qual class

Do some MORE laundry… it never ends!!!

Go to the bank

Get Chandler new tennis shoes

Get a pedicure (I may take Lyla for her first time!!)

Make a vet appointment for Neville (our fur baby)

And more that I am sure I am missing….

During all these to do things I also play and take my kids fun places (I think we will be going to the science center tomorrow!), cook meals, and other mommy duties!!

My friend just called me… got to go…

whats on your to do list???

what do you always put off??


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More about me…

In case someone decides to read.. I thought maybe I could share more about myself before posting more blogs.

First, my kids! I have two children under the age of 4. They are wonderful, beautiful, fun, and energetic… very energetic!! My daughter is smart, creative, and sassy like her mommy. My son is funny, laid back, and a wee trouble maker like his father. Their father, my husband, is a hard working guy doing his best to support us. He is a funny, smart a** kind of guy who is actually a big sweet heart. He has to be a great guy to deal with a wife in grad school.

I can get a little stressed out… I am currently working on my masters degree and will be applying for doctorate programs soon (nerve racking).  I am a researcher of human communication and focus on romantic relationships.

You know how everyone asks the mechanic friend to work on their car?? I’m the relationship mechanic friend…

I really enjoy my research, but it doesn’t get more nerdy than this…. Since I love my research, I also have the pleasure of teaching human communication. How lucky am I? I get to teach people how to deal with conflict in their relationships, how to tell a girl you like her, how to have those hard conversations, the science behind feelings of passionate love, and a whole, whole lot more!!!

I have two cats… who really I should have mentioned with my kids, because they are  also my kids… and I post about them a lot on Facebook… I look like a crazy cat lady in cyber world…

Jafar

Jafar

Lastly, I play roller derby. This is my time… I put on skates, sweat my butt off, hit girls to the ground, get hit to the ground, and go home. I know, sweet deal!

I love each part of my life, but each part comes with multiple smaller jobs and challenges causing me to be going all the time. My main focus is my kids. If I ever felt they were not getting the attention they deserved, everything else would stop.

This is my current life in a nutshell… now I think I will start posting randoms…


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The first post…

I’ve heard around that keeping a blog helps a person reduce stress. Blogs give people time to be them selves, be creative, and think about what is going on in their lives. I am a mother of two beautiful young children, am married to a wonderful man, am working on my masters degree, instruct at a local university, and play a pretty intense sport. I love every aspect of my life, except for my stress levels. I am going to give this blog thing a try. Im sure I will never have a reader, but that is not the point of my blog as of right now. If I tell my friends and family about my blog, I feel I will be pressured to write in a certain way or leave things out. I may blog about what I did that day, what I need to get done, what I made for dinner, funny things my kids did, or something completely random… WHO KNOWS! Here is my official first post…